The guy went through the usual opener. "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Why do they always ask you that? It's impossible not to sound lame. "Ah, yeah, officer, I was blatantly breaking the law," or, "No, I wasn't paying attention." There's no winning. So I put on my best no-nonsense tone and spit it right out: "Yes, officer, I was riding over the speed limit. I'm sorry." I used to try on all the excuses-lies, they were. My favorite was that I was having a bout of diarrhea. That one got me out of a few tickets. But I can't do that anymore-I just can't pull it off. Something in my 30s, I'm guessing it was parenthood, shot me full of morality, and my conscience won't allow such grotesque charades.