The 6 Best Motorcycles To Storm Area 51

Bikes you should not use to raid the secret military base on September 20.

DISCLAIMER: Do not attempt to storm Area 51 on September 20, 2019. It’s a US military facility and they are authorized to use deadly force against intruders. Many details and predictions in this story are based on rumors and hearsay, so please interpret accordingly.

That being said…

Area 51 is perhaps the most infamous secret military installation in the world, and is rumored to house alien technology, crashed spaceships, and the aliens themselves. But these claims have yet to be fully substantiated. The mythos behind Area 51 has solidified itself into our cultural zeitgeist. From Hollywood blockbusters like Independence Day to numerous documentaries and conspiracy theories, Area 51's presence is widely known, but at the same time we know very little about what officially occurs inside the facility today.

Historically and thanks to declassified government documents, the facility, due to its remote location and inclusion as part of the Nellis Test and Training Complex, has lent itself to the development and testing of experimental aircraft and weapons systems such as the U-2 spy plane and F-117 Nighthawk. The area surrounding the base is not fenced off but rather constantly monitored by magnetic sensors, cameras, and ground surveillance personnel. It is a highly guarded military base.

What we do know is there are numerous signs and warning placards miles outside the facility restricting the general public from entering the area. Those who wish to violate these warnings can be arrested, end up in prison, incur substantial fines, or, worse, be shot. Yes, there are clear warnings that the military is authorized to use deadly force against non-authorized personnel who attempt to cross into the region.

But if you wanted to attempt to storm Area 51 on September 20, how would you do it? By foot is the worst choice. You’ll likely be greeted and arrested by soldiers well before you laid eyes on the base. Take to the skies in an airplane and you’ll be shot down by America’s finest upon entering the no-fly zone within the airspace of NTTR.

But what if we could amass an army of dual-sport motorcyclists with expert-level off-road riding chops to make a run on the facility? Quick, someone call Jimmy Lewis, Cody Quinn, and Toby Price!

Could someone actually get through to the base? Probably not. The US military is quite the formidable adversary. Whoever is in charge of Area 51 would likely and quickly dispatch an arsenal of drones, helicopters, and a small army of well-equipped personnel to deal with any group that comes remotely close to opening a door marked, “Aliens Inside - Keep Door Shut.”

Some Logistical Things To Consider

If you’re going to make Naruto Run (an anime-derived name for the raid) for Area 51, here are some attributes a motorcycle must have to get close.

The bike needs to be fast and capable. When and if you get over the surrounding mountain ranges that cradle the Groom Lake region alive, it’s an estimated 10 miles of wide-open salt flat before you get to hangars or anything that resembles a vault holding aliens.

The bike needs to manage rough and varied terrain, so that eliminates cruisers, sportbikes, and touring-class motorcycles without serious modification.

The bike needs enough fuel to get you there and back. The closest gas station to Area 51 is 79.1 miles away in Indian Springs, Nevada. A round trip of 160 miles is the bare minimum. There is no time to stop, crack open the Rotopax, and refuel on this mission. How embarrassing would it be to get caught only because you ran out of fuel?

This leaves us to consider badass, off-road-spec’d adventure motorcycles that can carve their own path to the facility and deal with anything that comes their way.

Those itty-bitty variables considered, here are the Six Best Motorcycles to Storm Area 51.

BMW R 1250 GS Adventure on white background.
BMW R 1250 GS AdventureBMW

Built like a tank and used to tour the world over, this Bavarian Clydesdale would be a fair choice to storm the gates. The range afforded by the fuel tank would allow any rider additional options when approaching Area 51. At a hefty 591 pounds fully fueled crashing through the main gate is possible but not advised. However, power is going to be the GSA’s saving grace. The 1,254cc boxer engine with ShiftCam technology produces 136-hp and 105 pound-feet of torque and will keep you north of 120 mph as you scream across the dry lake bed. Be sure to stop by a Starbucks before you make your run, we hear the aliens like Pike Place Roast.

Triumph Scrambler 1200 XE
Triumph Scrambler 1200 XETriumph Motorcycles

While the Triumph Tiger 800 XCx might be the more logical choice, the Scrambler 1200 XE has proven itself in arid lands. Recently, Ernie Vigil and the Scrambler 1200 XE conquered the infamous NORRA 1000 rally, so it’s got the chops for this mission. Its retro looks might fool the military into believing you to be a harmless hipster but with 9.4 inches of suspension travel, a 1,200cc high-torque engine putting down 81 pound-feet of torque and 88 hp, you’ll be able to fly over the desert floor in the triple digits. The Achilles’ heel of the Scrambler 1200 XE might be its 4.2-gallon fuel tank. If you make it into Area 51, you’ll nervously be staring at the low fuel light well into your exit from the base.

KTM 790 Adventure R
KTM 790 Adventure RKTM

From the Morrocan sand dunes to the desolate and dangerous Nevada desert, the KTM 790 R might be the strongest contender of the bunch. Featuring exceptional off-road handling, almost 100 hp, gobs of low-end torque, bulletproof low-slung fuel tanks that provide protection, and more than 280 miles of range, the KTM 790 R might just exceed it’s “Ready to Race” slogan. It’s also possible the angular design of the 790 R will reflect radar, but if the US military is using alien technology, it’s pretty much game over and you’ll be bleeding orange in the middle of the salt flats.

Honda Africa Twin CRF1000L
Honda Africa Twin CRF1000LHonda

Big Red made a big ol’ dirt bike in 2015 that’s been recognized as one of the best adventure bikes for the money, especially when the ground under you gets shifty. Honda’s renowned reliability will be put to the test when raiding Area 51, but with its 998cc producing 94 hp and 73 pound-feet of torque the Africa Twin has just enough power to evade capture. With more than 9 inches of suspension travel and a fuel capacity of 5.9 gallons, it meets all our criteria to get you a meet-and-greet with ET and return home in one piece. Maybe.

Honorable Mentions And The Perfect Weapons For Storming Area 51

The Rev’It #95
The Rev’It #95, Photo GalleryLive Moto Foto

Built off a KTM 950 Super Enduro Erzberg Edition the Rev’It #95 was built to conquer the apocalypse. The massive 12-gallon custom fuel tank will enable any rider to approach Area 51 from any direction and lead the military on the most epic of desert chases around the Groom Lake salt flats. The Christini all-wheel-drive system will guarantee traction no matter where you are, whether it’s on the desert floor riding through sand or climbing the surrounding mountains. The 942cc 75-degree V-twin puts down a roadrunner-paced 98 hp and 70 pound-feet of torque. However, the Rev’It #95’s biggest weakness is its custom-made exhaust. It is louder than an SR-71 at takeoff so the US Air Force will hear you coming from 20 miles away. Gotta keep those flyboys on their toes. Why make it easy on them? They won’t make it easy on you.

KTM 450 Rally Factory Edition
KTM 450 Rally Factory EditionKTM

It's fair to say that storming Area 51 is going to be harder than winning the Dakar Rally. So to do the impossible, you'll need the bike that can tackle the impossible. Enter the KTM 450 Rally Factory that Toby Price used to win the 2019 Dakar Rally. This 449cc, four-valve single puts out 70 hp and 38.5 pound-feet of torque while weighing in at under 300 pounds; it's an absolute beast designed to accelerate quickly and go fast over unpredictable terrain for long periods of time. Boasting an 8.7-gallon fuel tank, manually adjustable WP factory-tuned suspension, steel trellis frame that provides stability at high speed, and a handmade Akrapovič titanium exhaust system, the KTM 450 Rally Factory is the one bike to rule them all. Now, if we can get KTM to produce them for the masses, we might just have a chance.