Functionally, the Vulcan 650 is a great motorcycle. It blends a sporty powerplant with a relaxed riding position to make something unique, comfortable, and fun to ride. Looking at the thing, however, makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a dull spoon. The tubular frame with lines that seem to just go every which way, the large radiator in the front, the liquid-cooled motor with unnecessary contrasted cooling fins, tons of plastic covers—it all just adds up to a gross amalgamation of cruiser and sportbike that aesthetically loses the appeal of each genre. And then the Cafe version… Well, that’s putting lipstick on a pig, or literally just a small headlight cowl on a cruiser and calling it a café. Luckily Kawasaki has the W800 and Z900RS to help satiate our need for café racers and old-school cool.