Escape to Hazzard County 5

Gettin' rowdy with Dumptruck and Daisy Dukes in Central California

Escape to Hazzard County 5
Triumph beer runMorgan Gales

After my 300 and somethingth shower, I think I finally washed off most of the shame from last year’s Hazzard. As Dumptruck told me over the loudspeaker throughout the night: “If you’re not making bad decisions, you’re doing it wrong!” Nobody accused me of doing it wrong.

We rode up ten deep on a bunch of hardtailed Evos and one big Victory bagger (don’t judge me, that thing rules), making a couple stops for refreshments along the way. It was about four hours from where we started in Orange County and we made it without any breakdowns (one of the perks of riding with newer bikes). It was early in the afternoon when we pulled in to the campground, eager to set up our tents and start the festivities.

Escape to Hazzard County 5
Smart girls drinkin' water and beer!Morgan Gales

Ya see, at Hazzard, once you buy the ticket, you’re all set to take the ride. Your entrance fee gets you food, a camping spot, all the beer you can drink (until they run out), a t-shirt, goodie bag, and of course your Hazzard County 5 tattoo. It’s totally secluded in this large private campground, where – wait for it – nobody messes with you! That’s right, at no point did any rangers, cops, or authoritative finger-pointers come out and kill the buzz. You get people doin naked hot laps on their bikes, lighting off fireworks, and doing their drugs in public like grown-ups! It’s madness in the best way.

Escape to Hazzard County 5
People gathering around to watch the hillbilly gamesMorgan Gales
Hazzard County 5
A Custom touring model and an FXR parked by the tents at HazzardMorgan Gales

As I approached the main stage, Dumpy’s wonderfully raspy voice is echoing out through the campground announcing the hillbilly games and trying to rile up the crowd to take part. “MORGAN!” he yelled out and I ran up to give him a hug. That was a mistake. Two seconds later I had a balloon tied to my ass and was bent over a hay bale with a 200lb Dumptruck running at me full force to pop it. There were dudes in wheel barrows beating each other with bats, followed by folks racing with hay bales and all other manners of rowdy “hillbilly” tom-foolery. As the sun started to set, there were still close to 35 kegs we needed to drain, and we were on a mission.

It wouldn’t be Hazzard County without Daisy Duke, would it? Of course not. When the only lights left were on the stage, the ladies hopped up to exhibit their best assets for the cheering crowd. Even the term ‘short-shorts” doesn’t quite do justice to the threads of denim hanging off of the swingin’ hips of our Daisies. Dumptruck, Roofeo and the crowd judged the contest and crowned one cheeky lady Miss Hazzard County 5!

Escape to Hazzard County 5
One of the lovely ladies in the Daisy Duke contestMorgan Gales
Escape to Hazzard County 5
Rippin' the bagger around the campgroundMorgan Gales

Curly Wolf took the stage with their set of pyrotechnics and unique brand of country rock’n’roll as we drank the last of the beer. When the band finished their set, things started to mellow out and folks retreated back to their campsites and private liquor stashes. The vans started rockin’ and plumes of smoke billowed out from various tents as people made their way back to pass out.

Mornings at these things always funny. I find myself torn between lingering long enough to try to curb the hangover, and running away from the stories of what an idiot I was the night before. As soon as bikes started kicking over, I knew there was no more sleep to be had, so I packed up my tent and ran around to say bye to the homies. Another epic year of debauchery and rowdy hillbilly shit at Hazzard County that’ll take a few hundred showers to wash off.

Escape to Hazzard County 5
A Sportster with some of the tents at HazzardMorgan Gales
Escape to Hazzard County 5
Some of the rad old vans lined upMorgan Gales
Escape to Hazzard County 5
Josh working out some electrical problems he had with his ShovelheadMorgan Gales
Escape to Hazzard County 5
This guy's hat says it all.Morgan Gales
Escape to Hazzard County 5
Loaded up for simple livin'Morgan Gales

For more information, check out the Escape to Hazzard County store here