Zippy's Tips For Winter Storage - How-To

Over the years I've written any number of articles that described, often in excruciating detail, how to prep your bike for a winter layover. Some of you followed my instructions to the letter and come first grass were rewarded with a machine that looked and ran the way it should. Others ignored me and spent a considerable amount of time, money and energy replacing batteries, cleaning carburetors and fuming when you could've been riding. Then there were a few of you who didn't do a damn thing and rode merrily off into the sunset wondering what all the fuss was about in the first place.

All of that made an impact, so until further notice I'm not doing any more "How to Put your Bike Away for the winter" stories. However, I do believe in presenting both sides of most issues, so I'm going to step aside now and let my cousin Zippy take over. Although I've interjected comments where I felt clarification was in order, I gave Zippy free reign to speak his mind, or at least what's left of it. Bear in mind that Zip is not a professional mechanic-hell, he's not a mechanic or a professional of any kind, so his theories are at best suspect. Like they say-the opinions presented here are not necessarily those held by the management. -MZ

The Zipper Speaks:
I think cleaning your bike under any circumstances is downright silly. A good coating of road grime combined with rust and corrosion gives your ride a salty look that says, "I'm a real biker who's too busy riding to clean my motorcycle." It'll also seal the paint and any polished pieces with a coat of oxidation to protect them. Over the winter the crud will combine with moisture to give the bike a really nice patina. To carry the look off you'll need to practice saying, "It'll get washed when it rains" with a sneer. Clean bikes are for pansies anyway. If you feel guilty about not washing your ride, think of all the cash you're saving on soap and wax and how proud of you Al Gore would be for not wasting precious water resources on something as frivolous as a motorcycle.

Next, make sure you stash the bike with an empty gas tank. That'll let moisture condense in there and prevent any fires. So what if the water contaminates the tank and fuel system? If it's motorcycle adventure you want, that's the easiest way to get it! I mean, what's more adventurous than leaving home on a bike that's practically guaranteed to have you stranded by the side of the road with a contaminated carburetor, plugged fuel line or ruined injector? won't it be exciting to hit the road wondering how far you'll get, how many cylinders the bike will be running on when you get there or even if you'll get there at all? Besides, just consider how much time and money you'll save when the thing finally goes terminal and refuses to start. Then you can get back to the important things in life like watching Dancing with the Has-Beens instead of riding.

Oh yeah, the very last thing you'll want to do is add fuel stabilizer to the tank. See, when a bike is parked for any length of time the gasoline starts to turn into something like a root beer gummy bear that's been left in the sun too long. I know motorcycles don't run real well on sugar and glucose syrup, especially when it's gooey, but converting gasoline to gummy bears is an interesting experiment in the transformation of matter.

Adding fuel stabilizer prevents the little gummies from invading your carburetors, and if that happens there's absolutely no reason to take it apart in the spring and give it a good cleaning, let alone replace the jets, float valves or anything that's too gooey to work. So not only are you depriving yourself of a good education in carburetor overhaul, you're actually preventing guys who clean carbs from making a living. And consider for a moment what it does to the local motorcycle shop's bottom line. If there's not a flood of bikes that need carburetor cleanings in the spring, how will the owner and his favorite secretary pay for their next trip to Vegas?

[*what really happens is that lighter, more volatile portions of the gasoline evaporate, leaving behind heavier, less volatile portions. Let the process continue and in a few months whatever gas was left in the tank will have been replaced by stale, foul-smelling liquid that may or may not ignite when confronted with a spark. I've been doing this for a long time and have yet to see a carburetor full of gummy bears, root beer-flavored or otherwise. -MZ