I'm pretty sure Mr. Randolph wasn't describing a used motorcycle, but he might just as well have been. Over the years, I've seen way too many guys-guys in fact who should have known better-toss away tons of money on bikes that were junk, simply because they didn't know how to separate the shine from the stink.
Buying a used bike ain't rocket science. With a modicum of common sense and a few simple guidelines, just about anyone should be able to negotiate a satisfactory deal. Now, I can't provide the common sense, and I really can't help you with your negotiating skills, but what I can provide are the guidelines you'll need to avoid a stinker. Follow them, and I can guarantee you won't end up with a dead fish on your hands.
To begin with...Unless this is your very first bike, you probably have some idea of what you're looking for. That being the case, take the next logical step and learn as much as possible about it beforehand. Many bikes have certain idiosyncrasies, which the uninitiated may mistake for serious problems. For example, BMWs tend to smoke on startup if they're left parked on the kickstand for any length of time. This is a harmless byproduct of their engine layout and in no way means the engine has bad rings or anything else-something you might not realize if you're not familiar with the breed.
I'd also recommend brushing up on your basic mechanical skills. You needn't be an experienced wrench to buy a used bike, but you should at least know what a worn-out sprocket looks like or how to tell if the steering-head bearings need attention. We've covered many of these topics in previous issues, and there's always the how-to section down at the local library or bookstore. As a last resort, you have my e-mail address if you really need help quickly.
Rather than bore you with pages of techno-babble, I thought it'd be much easier on both of us if I just provided a handy checklist. I'm sure the circulation department would rather you bought a fresh copy of Cruiser every time you looked at a bike, but for my money, feel free to make a few copies. Since I'm not much for math, the checklist doesn't provide any values-it's simply there to show what you should be looking at. Once you've run the list, you should have a very good idea of what kind of shape the bike is in; after that, it's all up to common sense and the depth of your wallet.