Changing your motorcycles oil is a lot like doing the dishes isn't it. I mean it's not particularly fun, or hard for that matter, it's just one of those things you have do, because the alternatives are either gross, like eating off a dirty dish, or expensive, like rebuilding your engine. In any event, you've really only got two choices here, you can pay someone to change your oil for you, or you can do it yourself which saves time and money and is infinitely more convenient. Since I've probably changed more oil than some of you have had hot meals, here's 10 Easy Steps towards making the process as painless as possible.

How EFI works
When a carbureted engine is running, airflow creates a low-pressure area in the carburetor venturi. Because the fuel in the float bowl is at atmospheric pressure while the pressure in the venturi is something lower, fuel is forced through the metering jets into the venturi, and from there it's carried by the moving airstream into the combustion chamber. In short, fuel metering is dependent on the size of the holes in the jets and the strength of the vacuum signal in the carburetor venturi. Because the vacuum signal is affected by everything from the engine's rpm and throttle position to the condition of the rings and the type of exhaust system you're using, it's a particularly crucial piece of the puzzle and one that can complicate the jetting process to no end. Granted that's a great oversimplification of how a carburetor works but it hits the high notes and hopefully, gives you some inkling of why it takes a very sophisticated carburetor to provide really accurate fuel metering.

Bonneville Blues
Q I have a tech question for you. I have a '06 Bonneville with 7500 miles on it. Here's the problem; I went for a ride yesterday. The bike started right up and ran perfectly. I parked in the garage, took the key out and hung it on its nail. When I went out this morning I turned the key and nothing, no lights, the bike wouldn't turn over.

I've always had an aversion to large crowds, or even small ones for that matter, so I've generally avoided the rally scene. If you don't count Daytona, which I attended strictly to see (and in some cases, participate in) the races, you could count the ones I've attended on one hand, and that includes three trips to the now defunct Honda Hoot, which to be perfectly honest, were mandatory work assignments.

All right already, I get it. No, really I do. Believe it or not, I do realize that a certain percentage of you prefer to have your favorite mechanic perform all of your routine maintenance. While it's not my style, I understand where you're coming from, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have a few tools handy just in case does it?

Installing an aftermarket exhaust is a simple and relatively inexpensive way to personalize your bike. Granted the job may look a little daunting, especially if your only prior mechanical experience in that direction involved dropping the car off at the local Midas Muffler shop, but in fact, it's neither a difficult nor involved procedure and requires little in the way of tools or mechanical experience, which makes it a great do-it-yourself project, here's the skinny.

Bar Back Banter

Q I enjoy reading your down-to-earth Shop Talk. You don't patronize anyone, no matter how unsophisticated the question, and you use everyday language, rather than "tech talk". Thanks for being both readable and understandable. Thanks, also, for being a fan of my new C90T. Therein lays my question.

Editor's Note - When reader Phlip Buonpastore read last August's big touring cruiser test, he noticed something amiss with most of the bikes, and applying his engineering background as well as some liberal photoshopping to the problem, he came up with an elegant solution that would make for equally good-looking bikes with more luggage capacity and a lower center of gravity. -BB

Now whether it'll play in Peoria remains to be seen, and quite honestly, the jury is still out on whether or not Honda's shot itself in the foot with this one. In fact, I've heard through the grapevine that dealers are reluctant to stock the bikes on spec, hence the snide moniker Do Not Order One, and will only order a bike if the customer plunks down a hefty and presumably non-refundable deposit.

Whenever a new tire is mounted, the wheel should be dynamically balanced. However, if you're doing it yourself that might not always be an option. Here's the quick and dirty way to static balance your wheels.

Mark,
I couldn't find a jet kit for my 1966 Greeves 250 Silverstone racer, so I made them out of a couple of old Whitworth sockets. My problem is that I now have no sockets left, so I can't reinstall the carb. I'm told this is a good thing. Is it?
Sir Alfred Angus Hereford III,
Lord of the Dance.
Dolittle, Scotland

No New Norton
Q After reading the article on the Yamaha VMAX, I started wondering about a similar bike, the Norton 961 SS Commando. Norton refers to the bike as a `Sports Cruiser'. Heck, if it has `cruiser' in the description, I think it at least deserves a little `look see', don't you? So go drink a warm beer, put on your best Mac and find the bloke that sells' em. It could be more fun than fish and chips. Aye gov'ner.
Ron Rickers
Elk River MN

I know there are enough riders mounting car tires on their motorcycles to warrant discussion, but as a topic of personal interest it ranks pretty low on my totem pole. For starters, it's not something that has a huge impact on the general population. Loud pipes, for example, attract a lot of unwarranted attention, a fat tire, not so much, so as far as social impact goes the issue is a non-starter. Secondly, I've known guys that have been running car tires on their bikes since the early 60's. Since none of them are running amok leaving havoc and mayhem in their wake, I'd have to think the practice is fairly innocuous, although one of them has been known to say nasty things about his ex-wife.

When it comes to art I'm somewhat of a philistine, a fact that has always been a great disappointment to my wife, a woman endowed with great artistic sensibilities.

Owners of the older carburetor equipped Suzuki LC1500's, particularly those with high mileage sometimes complain of poor mileage and sluggish acceleration through the midrange. Typically the problem is caused by a worn needle jet, which allows more fuel to sneak by the needle than it should. Now in most cases replacing a worn needle jet is no big deal, the operative phrase here being "in most cases."

How many times have you needed a particular bolt and found that the only ones you had were either too long or too short for the intended purpose? We'll it happened to me (again) about 15 minutes ago and prompted this particular tip. What usually happens is that I'll run into a situation where I need an odd size bolt. Most of the time it's because I'm doing some sort of silly modification or installing an accessory and need to replace a piece of OEM hardware with something else and the something else is only available in an in between size.

800-Angst
Q I have a 2002 Kawasaki Vulcan Drifter 800. It has a K&N filter and Hard-Krome pipes and has been re-jetted. However I cannot find much more for the bike in terms of performance. I cannot even find a simple performance ignition for this bike. Is there anything else I can do to get a little more power from it?
Bob,
Via e-mail

For better or worse thermally fused metal joints are an integral part of motorcycle construction, and despite some serious advances in liquid adhesive technology, are likely to remain so for the near future. That's not a bad thing; people have been welding metal together since roughly 3,000 BC so most of the procedures are fairly well established. In light of that, we thought it might be interesting to take a brief look at the various processes involved. The following won't make you a welder, but it should provide some insight into what it takes to keep all those loose pieces of steel, copper and aluminum that make up our motorcycle, flying in close formation.

Whenever there's the likelihood of two adjacent panels chaffing against each other the normal practice is place some kind of insulating material between them so they won't squeak, rattle or worse, erode the paint. Typically the OEMs use apiece of clear tape or a strip of foam to do the job which is all fine and dandy, until you need to replace it and discover as I recently did that (a) it's not in stock, and (b) it's about 8 bucks a square inch! So much for the OEM stuff. Fortunately I found something even better down at the local hardware store. What they had were an assortment of soft, clear plastic "buttons" with adhesive on one side that are meant to be placed on furniture legs to protect floors and carpets from damage or used as cabinet door bumpers. The buttons are available in several diameters, from maybe 3/16" to 1" and a package of six cost me about two bucks. Just peel them off their backing and stick 'em anywhere you need to prevent chaffing, (okay, maybe not anywhere) and no more squeaks, rattles or worn paint.

For the most part I have a lot of fun answering your technical questions, and for the most part your questions are straightforward, intelligent and easy to understand. But every so often someone toss me a real ringer that makes it almost impossible to provide a coherent reply. Understand that I'm not talking about technical challenges here, those are welcome and in fact encouraged. If the solution were simple I'd expect you'd have figured it out long before you contacted me. What I'm talking about are e-mails that are so vague, so lacking in detail that I'm left wondering if you're even know what kind of bike you own. Because I feel duty bound to answer every question, whether it's published or not, I try to puzzle out some kind of reply, but frankly, the less information I get from you the less information you'll get from me, like they say garbage in, garbage out. In an attempt to make all our lives easier, and so I can provide as accurate an answer as possible here's a few simple tips should you find yourself in need of a little technical help.

Despite my size and penchant for large V-Twin Cruisers I've always had a soft spot for small and medium weight motorcycles. I suspect part of the attraction is because I had so much fun on them as a kid, and the other part because they just feel right to me. My first "real" bike was a Honda Super 90 of indeterminate vintage. I horse traded a lawn mower engine mini-bike for the thing, and then proceeded to ride the wheels off it. I even used it for a trail bike after I'd graduated to larger street bikes. I also owned a raft of 250's and 350's including a 1966 Suzuki X-6 Hustler. Which despite displacing a mere quarter of a liter, was just about the fastest thing under 500cc that you could buy at the time. When you're learning to ride, a pipey, quick handling two stroke, is the deep end of the pool and when I fired up the X-6 for the first time I knew the "No Lifeguard on Duty" sign had just been nailed to the wall. But I survived, in part through sheer luck, but also because the Hustler was fundamentally a great handling, easy to ride bike, with its own strong sense of self preservation.

Hi-Ho Silverado
Q I purchased a Yamaha 650 Silverado two months ago and just last month had the dealer install V&H slip-ons as part of the deal. I was told that the 650 probably would not need jetting, but if it began to run differently to bring it in for the work to the carbs. I have noticed that my mileage has dropped about 4-5 mpg, however. Would this drop be due to the cooler weather, a richer mixture or both? So far the motor is very smooth and responsive and idles just fine with about thirteen hundred miles on the new exhaust system. Lastly, because the pipes/service is being done by the dealer will the manufacturers' warranty cover such changes? (The dealer is a Yamaha dealership).
Terry Phelps
Seneca, SC

Got a question? Try to stump Mark at zimmemr@aol.com

From dirt's standpoint, motorcycles tend to be a large collection of cozy little hidey holes all flying in loose formation, that are perfect gathering spots for dirt, grunge and grease. If you're like me, and you'd rather your motorcycle didn't turn into a mung condo (mung being the technical term for the type of dirt that likes to collect in hidey holes) then you'll need to spend some time scrubbing and the easiest way to that is with a scrub brush of some sort.